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Our relationship with ants is weird. Ants are like, “Hey, I only want these crumbs ok?” and we’re all, “No you motherfucking will not!”
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Our scariest president was probably Rushmore because he had 4 heads.
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Sick of having to go to 2 different huts to buy pizza and sunglasses!!
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Some interesting facts I learned at the children’s museum, lightning bugs are actually beetles and I hate children
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Sorry I yelled, “Killin it!” when your mom was eating that banana.
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Stop telling me your newborn’s weight and length! I don’t know what to do with that information!
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